Honestly Me……I Forgot To Remember

I have mild anxiety.  One would think at my age it would subside and become less and less but it’s not the case.  In fact the worst it has ever been was on my way home from my honeymoon.  The pilot didn’t have a very smooth approach to the runway in Dallas and I for whatever reason lost it.  I couldn’t breath, I couldn’t move my hands out of the clamped together position, and I was balling….I literally had no control over my body whatsoever.  Poor Ben didn’t know what to do.  He was also scared about the plane but more scared about my breathing issue.  I was in the middle of a full-blown panic attack and I had never been there before.  The plane landed.  It took me a good hour to fully settle down and be okay.  Ben was ready to go rent a car and just drive the last leg of the trip.  It took a lot of courage (and medication) to get on that last flight.

I’ve recently learned more than ever that at any moment in life what you thought was your normal can become something “not so normal” and you’re not even sure how to deal, handle, or even exist in this new place. 

Lately my mind and life has been filled with an exceptional amount of anxiety, stress, and self-doubt.  Dealing with these for me has always been hard but 2 years ago dealing with them would have been different in so many ways….because I would have been alone.  I don’t mean without family or friends but I mean absent of the one living person that I call my soul mate, Ben.  And now existing in my “not so normal” state of mind with him I’ve learned a very valuable lesson.

Two days ago as I sat and tried to understand my current state of existence and how I got here I realized how very blessed I am.  I realized that all this time I had been so wrapped up in all these crazy emotions I forgot to remember that I have a soul mate that is and will always be my very best friend.  The morning of the day I realized this I thought to myself “Had Ben gone to work and never come home would he have known just how much I value his existence and our committment to one another…or would he have only known me for this place I’m in right now?”  Being married is new to me obviously but what an awesome lesson I learned that very moment…..every minute of every day I never want to forget to remember to share the love that I have for my sweet husband with him regardless of my not so normal disposition. 

And the second lesson I learned is to always remember this: 

Proverbs 3:5  “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding”

I may not understand why something is happening and I take comfort in knowing that I don’t have to or need to.  The lesson and the outcome will all come to light in time…..I have to be patient and faithful that I’ll get through with the love of Ben and God.

Sometimes life happens and anxiety wins for me but today I feel I have remembered to never forget these valuable lessons.

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